15th June 2017
Rule your mind or it will rule you.
Yesterday was emotional, I'm good at not thinking, worrying for me is a waste of time, about as useful as a wooden rocking horse, it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere. However when I was walking the dog yesterday morning, for a moment I thought about the look of pain in my moms face that morning and I was just consumed with emotion and the tears flowed and they wouldn't stop, I feel so helpless about her pain, the lack of power I have to do anything about it and I cried and cried. I called the Admiral Nurses (the dementia nurses we raised £5k for in Feb/Mar so thank you again everyone) when I got home, they helpline were wonderful and she talked to me until I calmed down and gave me ideas for help, I felt calmer once I'd had that chat. I went back to the doctors but I couldn't get an appointment or to talk to him as of course he's overworked, I have left a message to say her painkilling medication still isn't working and the pain is affecting the dementia so we shall see if he gets back to me. She has her dementia review next week so if I don't hear anything at least I can ask them! It's all awful, watching someone in pain is just horrid but I will not focus on that today, today I will focus on smiling, enjoying my work and making moms day as comfortable as possible and maybe throw in a few giggles along the way for her, distraction is the key. Dementia sucks!Anyway back to more enjoyable things, I managed to stay on track yesterday and didn't emotionally eat, or eat through frustration or boredom or any of those reasons that cause us to overeat, I won't lie, I was quite impressed with myself. I ate fruit for breakfast, then a late lunch of salt and pepper cod with asparagus and sweet potato, it was tasty indeed. I put a joint of shoulder pork in the slow cooker, I took off all the fat, put some sliced onion, celery and garlic underneath it and a bit of stock in with it, then I cooked it on low for about 10 hours until it was completely cooked through and I shredded it.
I then made a No Count coleslaw with some quark and a sachet of the new Smoky BBQ sauce from the meetings, I had that in a WW wrap for my tea, really tasty. I might have the leftovers with some mash and veg for lunch today. I've also got a whole trout that needs cooking so I'll bake it with lemon and dill, actually I'll have that for my lunch and make my pork dinner ready to have for my tea. The trout will be lush on a bed of couscous, mmm nom nom. See having good food to look forward too makes it easier for me to resist the junk, eggs for breakfast for sure, I might make an egg sarnie and take it with me to eat when I'm at work so I don't have to rush this morning, not hungry yet either.
I've already eaten my little back of fruit, apple and grapes, yesterday mom and I sat in the garden for a bit, I picked the raspberries we have growing, pulled up the spreaders otherwise the entire garden will become on massive raspberry bush, mom sat and cut the weeds up so they'll fit in the bin easier. Wasn't it a hot one yesterday! Apparently it's here to stay for a week, hopefully I'll get to enjoy it over the weekend, I do love to sit in the garden, good book, sunshine, you can't beat it.
We had a new Weight Watcher cookbook delivered yesterday too, all chicken recipes, so I'll take a look at that over the weekend see if there's anything worth making.
Today is going to be a No Count day, a positive day, putting my big girl pants on and getting on with the business at hand – we got this BeYOUtiful, let's have a good one.